Scratch The Seventy Year Itch

Harrison collected petition signatures by day, and cleaned the streets of vermin at night. He was a strong, silent type, prone to catchy phrases while stopping crime. But something was missing from this otherwise full life. It was a chance encounter at Forest Lawn late one night that changed his life forever.

After tying up the perps he’d caught desecrating the cemetery markers in the half-moon’s glow, he heard a faint moaning from one of the mausoleums. His fearless nature intact, he strode forth just in time to see a woman tumbling forth from the wall opening that she’d just clawed through. Rushing forward to help the woman up, he was struck by her pale skin and ghostly beauty, and felt his heart leap in a way he’d never felt before. As she stood proudly before him, twirling her shroud with rotting fingertips, Harrison discovered what had been eluding him all these years; he had pursued hundreds of criminals in the afterglow of the Los Angeles nightlife, but the time had finally come for the hunter to be captured by Love’s dark embrace.

Harrison went to her arms and his destiny.

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The King Calls To You

Alice took some time before she finally packed up her things and left her job, fired after a mix up with the coffee maker and a grabby sheriff’s deputy. She had nowhere to go, no money to take her out of Memphis. She was a lovely girl, prone to attracting attention, but it always seemed the wrong kind. It was later that day when she learned that some people’s WRONG can be other people’s RIGHT.

Turning the corner at Dolan Road and Elvis Presley Boulevard, Alice was nearly run over by a sizable crowd of sweaty, overweight tourists sporting oversized sunglasses and ill-fitting white jumpsuits. She unconsciously swerved through them on her way up the Boulevard, oblivious to the screams of horror quickly distancing, and it was only when her downward glance fell up on a pair of gravelly, dirt-encrusted blue suede shoes that she was pulled out of her reverie. Looking up, her eyes took in the rhinestones, the eagle emblem and the deeply stained jumpsuit, finally resting on a single, once-blue eye that twinkled like a star. It looked into her, seeing the beauty inside, and it beckoned Alice into its own endless depths. Alice succumbed to the dark pools of love and security she found there, and in return gave the King someone who would love him for what he was.

Be like Alice and let the world know that beauty is only skin deep, and love is forever. Wise men say only Fools Rush In, but only a fool waits when love is beckoning. Made of 100% pre-shrunk cotton, this graphic representation of a timeless lover is ready to grace your home with its endless croon.

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Embrace Your Rotting Brethren

Ferd missed Woodstock, even though he hadn’t even been born when it happened. 40 years later, Ferd was prone to wearing tie-dyed t-shirts, bell-bottom pants and unmatched sandals to the college library where he worked as a book re-shelver. His iPod was full of peace, love, and the rock of the time; it was his only companion these days, and he would lose himself for hours in the dusty stacks, disillusioned by the me-me-me generation that surrounded him. Nobody cared about others anymore, it seemed. Ferd wanted to care, but couldn’t bring himself to apply it to the selfish hordes of today’s society.

It all became clear when the first one of ‘them’ shambled through the metal detectors at the entrance of the library. The response was immediate and appalling, ending with a shotgun blast and thunderous applause. “Wait, all of you!” he shouted, silencing the strangely eclectic crowd of onlookers. “How can you celebrate the death, the RE-death of this person?” he said, his voice gaining strength, delivering a moving soliloquy on the value of all life, be it natural or UN. Tears were not rare in that crowd, and many came to stand by Ferd’s side as he finished, “Who among us would want the same treatment, if that were you? Or your mother?” Silence answered him, and a pair of young pre-med students soberly began reconstructing the shotgunned victim’s head. Alas, they failed like all the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men, never to put Humpty Dumpty together again.

Today, every single person in the small crowd has become a powerhouse spokesperson in the fight for Zequality, and the fight is far from over. Join the movement and wear our shirts as a clarion call for all the oppressed and disintegrating people in our society, who, while they can moan, have no voice for their needs. Made of 100% pre-shrunk Cotton, our tagless shirts are a valuable accessory to any rally or protest march in the name of our undead brethren.

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Holly Go Slightly: A Classy Dame for a Classy Guy

Johnny was a lonely man, prone to drinking and playing pool for a dollar a game, down at the local dive. He listened to the Jukebox and wasted his quarters on Henry Mancini tunes while the world passed him by, until one day SHE came into his life.

She was glamorous, refined, maybe a little too skinny, but when Johnny saw her lurching past the neon signs of Bud Light and Pabst, he realized that his world had changed… for the better. He popped another quarter into the juke box, chose his song, and serenaded his love to ‘Moon River’, finally sweeping what was left of her into his arms as the song reached its crescendo, and planting a big kiss on her remaining upper lip. Holly reciprocated, and their love spread and grew like moss on moonlit stone.

Now, you too can experience the magic of having Holly in your life, and let others know that you don’t care how much they weighed at the coroner, you’ll love them just the same. Made of 100% pre-shrunk cotton and using state-of-the-art printing facilities, this tasteful representation of a truly classy dame will have people talking.

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The Little Bastard is Back

Joelly drove the dark roads of Paso Robles, swerving through blind corners with a devil-may-care attitude that measured her life in minutes, not years. It had been 8 years since her older brother passed away, his spirit felt only when she came close to dying in her several skirmishes with the pavement. Her father’s Spyder was the only car she hadn’t mashed up, and that was because it was the car her brother loved more than anything in the world, except his sister. Joelly was one of a kind, and nothing or no-one would understand her flirtation with the Reaper.

The radio had gone silent for about an hour before her headlights passed over a lone figure at the intersection of Highway 41 and State Route 46, kneeling near a telephone pole about fifteen feet off the road. It was dressed impeccably, but time had worn the sleeves and tails to shreds; it held what looked like some flowers that had been placed there not so long ago. Apprehension gripped Joelly’s heart for a moment, only to be replaced by a throbbing certainty: Her brother had returned to her, and they would drive the world as the siblings from Hell.

As she pulled to a stop across from the emaciated, shambling figure, she recognized her error: This was someone else, someone who’d held her fascination and love for years, even before her brother’s untimely demise. It was as if her brother HAD come back, but this was someone that she could keep as a love as well as a partner. “Hey Stranger,” she said, pushing open the passenger-side door across the seat from her. “Want a ride?”

Joelly and her new companion rode into the night, beginning a new life of love and adventure together.

Joelly isn’t the only one with undying love for the undying icon; join her by showing your love and respect for America’s Little Bastard, and drive your friends crazy with envy. Made of 100% pre-shrunk cotton, these tagless shirts can bring the spirt of adventure upon you wherever you are, be it Paso Robles or East of Eden.

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